A Shopping List of Transexual Shame

By Riki Anne Wilchins

When someone says they wouldn't have guessed we were transexual, we're complimented.
When someone says they knew we were transexual, we're dismayed.
When nontransexual women discuss their periods or pregnancies, we keep silent.
We never discuss dilating, hormones or surgery with them.
We feel more legitimate when we have a lover.
We feel inferior when we don't.
We feel bad for putting our mothers through this.
We agree not to dress for family functions.
We agree not to discuss it when we go home.
We agree not to tell our grandmother, our niece, our son.
When we answer the phone, we raise our voice pitch.
If someone calls us "Sir," we feel humiliated.
After surgery we grade our cunts by how nontransexual they look.
We show lots of bosom when we go out, to make sure we pass.
We avoid being seen with other transexuals.
We reason that lots of nontransexual women have deep voices, large hands, and broad gestures, so they should accept us as okay.
We don't reason that compared to us, lots of nontransexual women have high voices, tiny hands and feet, and minuscule gestures, so we should accept them as okay.
We make sure to get our implants a size too large.
We avoid discussing our dicks.
We convince ourselves after surgery that we no longer have one.
When we see nontransexual women who are pregnant, we feel defective.
We're willing to settle for sex, when we really want intimacy.
We wonder if we'll ever have a lover.
We eat when we're unhappy.
We tell ourselves it's not that bad.
We spend so much energy responding to the voices outside and the old tapes inside, we never see our creativity, courage and beauty.

Thanks to Rachel Pollack for this concept and her shame list, which was its inspiration.

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